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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28719336">Enderal, but there are incorrect quotes.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelie/pseuds/Lelie'>Lelie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Enderal (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, F/F, Humor, light spoilers? kinda?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:01:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,892</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28719336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelie/pseuds/Lelie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what it says on the tin, a bunch of incorrect Enderal quotes!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jespar Dal'Varek &amp; Calia Sakaresh, Jespar Dal'Varek &amp; Prophet | Prophetess, Prophet | Prophetess/Calia Sakaresh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Quick heads up, my prophetess is called ''Antares,'' and she will be referred to as such in this fanfic. I really loved this game after i got into it a year ago, and after taking a 8-month break, i decided i had to replay. now i am writing fanfic, because i have too much spare time on my hands anyways. going for something more light-hearted because i want something happy for once! hope whoever reads this enjoys.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I have no idea what I’m doing, I just know<br/>
that I’m doing it really, really well.<br/>
-	Antares, at some point probably.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> What happens if I bring a knife to therapy?<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> You’ll get arrested, so let’s not do that.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Girls are hot.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Guys are hot, too.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Why is everyone so hot?<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> Global warming.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Gay rights? True.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> As a gay I am always right.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> My kink is when people care about my feelings and what I have to say.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Too unrealistic. Settle for bondage like the rest of us.</p><p> </p><p><b>Lexil:</b> I am, as the kids say, awake.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> You mean woke.<br/>

<b>Lexil:</b> Yes, but that is grammatically incorrect. </p><p> </p><p><b>Yuslan, to Tealor:</b> I see you’re a motherfucker. I’m a bit of a bastard myself.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> You played me like a damn fiddle!<br/>

<b>High Ones:</b> Oh no, Prophetess.<br/>

<b>High Ones:</b> Fiddles are difficult to play.<br/>

<b>High Ones:</b> We played you like the cheap kazoo you are.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Fellas, is it gay to be gay?<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> According to historians? No.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Some people just really need to be told to shut up more.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Not me though I’m <i>hilarious.</i></p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> So what’s the plan?<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> I don’t know. You’re smart, Jespar’s mean, please come up with something.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> I’m a lesbiab.<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> Lesbiam.<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> Les bien.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> It’s okay, take your time.<br/>

<b>Antares, pointing at Calia:</b> Girls!</p><p> </p><p><b>Lishari:</b> There is no i in team but there is one in pizza.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> So you’re not going to share<br/>

<b>Lishari:</b> Fuck no, I’m not going to share.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Still don't know how to spell spagetti without autocorrect.<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> Where's the h?<br/>

<b>Antares</b>: An H????</p><p> </p><p><b>Taranor:</b> It seems the old Tealor has brought his cringe ass nae nae prophetess to battle. Please be on your guard.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> When I become a secret agent I’m gonna be agent C.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> I’m gonna tell everyone I’m spy-c.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> It’s impossible to know when the middle of my life is, so I’ve decided to have an ongoing crisis.</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> Inspiration is very important. What are you all able to inspire in other people?<br/>

<b>Lishari:</b> Motivation.<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> Fear.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Arousal.<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> Pity?<br/>

<b>Tealor:</b> This did not go how I wanted it to.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Hey Ann are you free tomorrow? Like, around 8 PM?<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> Yes, why?<br/>

<b>Jespar, to Calia:</b> What about you?<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> Yes, I am.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Great! Because I’m not. You two go without me, enjoy your date!<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> …<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> Did he just?</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Antares, where are you going in life?<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> To hell.<br/>

<b>Jespar's inner monologue:</b> Worrying response.<br/>

<b>Jespar's inner monologye:</b> But not out of character.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Hello friends, Here’s a pro tip: do not write and send a letter to the worried girl you’re gay for while seriously sick. Signed, the person who somehow came up with ‘’dear hello, I am sick and not sure if I’ll be alive to go tomorrow and I’m sorry, best slutantions, antares.’’</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Sa’ira! There you are! We’ve been looking all over for you!<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> I left a note behind, didn’t you see it?<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> You can’t disappear and leave a sign outside your door that says ‘’gone leavin’ ‘’.</p><p> </p><p><b>High Ones:</b> Another day has gone by and honestly it’s pissing me off. The sun comes up one more time and I lose it.<br/>

<b>High Ones:</b> Guess what happened today. Fucking guess.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> I think it’s unfair that I wasn’t born with magnetic knife teeth and honestly? I’m writing a full length report to the Light-Born.<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> I have no idea what you mean but I support you.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> I’ll be waiting for that report.<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> Two valid responses.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia, bad at flirting:</b> You have a wonderful name.<br/>

<b>Antares, equally bad at flirting:</b> Thanks! I got it for my birthday!</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares, on Tealor Arantheal:</b> My boss, who is a grown-ass man, just whispered, ‘’oh, this is going to be so fucking efficient,’’ before spraying febreeze directly into the ceiling fan and proceeding to cough his guts out when it flew right back into his face.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> whoops.<br/>

<b>Calia:</b> whoops? WHOOPS? This is not a ‘’whoops’’ situation. We are far past whoops. Whoops is a distant speck in the rearview mirror, we are solidly in ‘’oh fuck’’ territory, and I expect you to act like it.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Sometimes, I have my life together. And then I'm like, ''wow, that was a really nice fourty-five seconds.''</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar, trying to give Calia flirting advice:</b> Hey, tell her ''you have beautiful eyes.''<br/>

<b>Calia, to Antares:</b> I have beautiful eyes.<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> You do!<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Looks into the camera like he's on the office</p><p> </p><p><b>Rocio:</b> Didn't I kill you?<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> That was a few months ago.<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> Things change.</p><p> </p><p>"The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math."<br/>

- Jespar, probably</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Having a great day on the beach!<br/>

<b>Lishari:</b> Yuslan's drowning.<br/>

<b>Antares:</b> This isn't about him.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I've been building Calia's trust for months with high fives.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Today i'm gonna hit her with a ''too slow''.<br/>

<b>Jespar:</b> Welcome to the real world.</p><p> </p><p><b>Taranor:</b> I lured you here because I crave the most dangerous game.<br/>

<b>Antares, nodding knowingly:</b> Knife Monopoly.<br/>

<b>Taranor:</b> Actually, I was going to hunt you all for sport, but now I'm really interested in whatever ''knife monopoly'' is.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Incorrect Quotes Part 2: Electric Boogaloo</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>these aren't a cry for help haha</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Antares:</b> I’ve been dropping her the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response!</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Wow. She sounds stupid.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> But she's not! She's really smart actually, Just dense.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I guess you’re right. Hey Calia, I love you.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> See! Just say that!</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Holy shit.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> If that flies over their head then, sorry, but they're too dumb for you.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Calia.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Friends joke with one another. "Hey, you're poor, and your parents are dead." That’s what friends do.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Strength is forgiving someone who was never really sorry.</p><p><b>Adila:</b> Okay, not to be overdramatic, but I would literally rather die.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And what do we do when something goes wrong?</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Leave the country.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Bottle it up.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Shots!</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> ''mood''</p><p><b>Taranor:</b> fistfight god.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> ''hoes mad''.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> so you've died before?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> yee</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> goals</p><p>
  <b>Calia, spitting out her coffee:</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares, to Jespar:</b> I may not get the same amount of daily sleep as you do, but can you do THIS?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> &lt; gets up and immediately faints &gt;</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Name a more iconic duo than my crippling self-hatred and anxiety. I’ll wait. </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Me and you! :D</p><p><b>Calia, tearing up:</b> Okay. </p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> One of you will betray me today.</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Is it me, Tealor?</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> No, not you.</p><p><b>Constantine:</b> Is it me, Tealor?</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> No, not you.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Is it me, Tealor?</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> iS iT mE, TeALoR? </p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Antares, truth or dare</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Truth!</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> How many hours have you slept this week?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Dare!</p><p><b>Calia:</b> I dare you to go to sleep</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I don't think I like this game</p><p> </p><p>“I love saying ‘fuck me’ because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.”<br/>
Jespar, probably.</p><p> </p><p>My neutral expression makes me look like I'm always in a bad mood, which is convenient because it's usually true.<br/>
-Yuslan, probably</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Please? For me?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Don’t do that.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> What?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> You think every time you say “please? For me?” I’ll do whatever you want. Well, not this time.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Please? For me?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Okay. </p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Why aren't koalas actually bears- </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Because they're marsupials.</p><p><b>Jespar, mockingly:</b> Because they’re marsupials. </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> No. It's because they don't have the right koalifications.</p><p> </p><p><b>High Ones:</b> We have a compulsive need to crush other people’s dreams.</p><p> </p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the things you've lost throughout your lifetime</p><p><b>Antares:</b> My childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Oh look, my will to live! I haven't seen this in ages!</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Mental stability, my old friend!</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Guys, could you lighten up a little?</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Sa'ira, how much sleep did you get last night?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I slept like a baby.</p><p>
  <b>Calia:</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Woke up screaming every two hours like babies do.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> You are avoiding your problems</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> What? No I’m not. Can we talk about this tomorrow?</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Everyone's backstory gave them mad skills and all I got was sleep paralysis and daddy issues.</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> Whatcha doing now?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Relaxing.</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> That’s something you do?</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> What's your greatest fear?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Being useless and unable to save everyone I love</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Damn, that's deep</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Mine's the Koolaid man but I feel kinda silly about that now</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>thinking of writing a series of ''what if'' oneshots or twoshots when i finally get bored of appropriating quotes from the internet.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Incorrect Quotes Part 3: I'm sorry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Antares:</b> I don't get paid enough for this</p><p><b>Calia:</b> For what?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> *gestures at everything*</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> No off-topic questions.</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> Because I don't want to.</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> No they're, no.</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> Permission denied.</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> That's an oFf tOpiC question, next...</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> You have been STOPPED.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something I just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly towards a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado.</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Why is this so fucking funny?</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Do you want some tea?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> What are the options?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Yes or no.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> My favorite thing about the title ''teenage mutant ninja turtles'' is how every word throws you a new curveball.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Like, teenage? Solid starting point. Good protagonist demographic. I can understand that. Suddenly hard left into ''mutant'' and oh shit that's wild are we going into x-men territory here? How are they gonna play this? Let's wait and s- ninjas? Yo this can't possibly get cooler ninjas are wild right? And then suddenly they end with 'turtles' and your hopes and dreams don't know what to do anymore and your entire worldview is shattered. Good title.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> When I was a child my cat died and the only way I could rationalize it was drawing her being crucified because I grew up in a cult and I thought that just happened to everyone when they died.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> I can't even comment on this just listen to it.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> For halloween im going as a dissapointment to my family</p><p><b>Adila:</b> At least you don't need to buy a costume</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Ouch.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Dads will see their kids and be like ''is anyone gonna emotionally damage that'' and not wait for an answer.</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Dads see their kids???</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar, putting honey in his tea:</b> Hell yeah, get in that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> ... Do you take constructive criticism?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I absolutely fucking do not.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> did you know that one out of three people are gay?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I hope it's Calia.</p><p>
  <b>Jespar:</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> She's cute.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Dogs deserve to live forever.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> And humans don't?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> No.</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> Just found out the world doesn't revolve around me. Shocked &amp; upset.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> WATCH OUT: Man with no concept of subjectivity is about to tell you the thing you like is bad!!!</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Every time I interact with my father.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Oh</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Maybe if we set this on fire...</p><p><b>Calia:</b> No, yeah, that's a no.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> is there a word that’s a mix between angry and sad?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Malcontent, disgruntled, miserable, desolated</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> smad</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Pots and pans are not supposed to melt, right?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> No.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> So, that this happened- *Holds melted pan* It’s weird, right?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> It’s impossible. Congratulations.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4: The sequel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Largely features the shennanigans of our favourite three friends because a lot of quotes I found seemed to apply to them. Still trying to figure out how to write an actual fanfic. I'll just stick to this for now I think!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Curarium staff:</b> Can you rate your pain for me?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Zero stars.</p><p>
  <b>Curarium staff:</b>
</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Would not recommend.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia, to a new novice:</b> We don’t use bad words in this house.</p><p><b>Jespar, in the distance:</b> FUCK!</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> I need a hug, but I would sooner perish than acknowledge that I am a human being that desperately craves intimacy.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> One of my favourite things to do living in Ark is to just pretend I know absolutely nothing about religion and the Light-Born.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Someone says they’re going to church, I’ll say “what’s that?” and act completely clueless.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> The really funny thing is we do know about the Light-Born in Ostian because who doesn't at this point, and anyone who knows that would know I’m messing with them but they almost never figure it out.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> They always fall over themselves to explain everything and I’m like “huh, sounds weird.”</p><p><b>Antares:</b> One time I asked Calia what a local festival was about and she said “the anniversary of the birth of Malphas” and I said “oh cool, who’s that?”</p><p><b>Antares:</b>  I think I gave her brain damage.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Sorry, but you'll have to be at least my level 10 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> And what level am I at?</p><p>
  <b>Antares, furiously calculating:</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> 20. So it all started when...</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Hey</p><p>
  <b>Jespar:</b>
</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Everyone's bones are wet.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Why would you say this?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> No one said hi back.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> My therapist thinks I'm a nice person.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> My friends think I'm a nice person.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> My monkey brain: ''yeah but what if I'm actually shit''</p><p><b>Calia:</b> ''Oh no, I tricked so many people into thinking I'm nice, that's how bad I am.''</p><p> </p><p><b>Lexil, after researching internet slang:</b> Listen, in this world, its either ''yeet'' or be ''yeeted''.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I am begging you to stop.</p><p> </p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> I am sorry you feel that way.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Rules to learning Endralean!</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Their our know rules!</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> This makes me feel so uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> How many times do I have to apologize for that?</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Once would be nice!</p><p>
  <b>Tealor:</b>
</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> No!</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> People keep asking me how I manage to keep my friends in order.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> I don't. This morning Antares called for me and when I walked in, Jespar almost shot me in the throat with a nerf gun.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Hey, do you guys think I can fit fifteen of these marshmallows in my mouth?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> That’s dangerous! You’d be a fool-</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> —and a coward. Do twenty. </p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Antares has been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get her out...</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> I still don't know how you three managed to get arrested.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> We didn't really even do anything-</p><p><b>Calia:</b> A guard pulled us over and said 'papers'. Jespar said 'scissors' and then ran away.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I ran out of hair sauce.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> What?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Shampoo. He means shampoo.</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> Whenever somebody says something like 'what did you do today' just look off into the distance and say 'the right thing'.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> If you can't beat them, dress better than them.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> If cicadas are allowed to sit in the godsdamned trees and scream then so should I.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I never brag.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> You once called your face the “proof of God’s existence.”</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> The path to inner peace begins with four words. </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Not my fucking problem. </p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Apparently, I'm a 'fire hazard'.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> [pronounces ‘’champagne’’ like ‘’lasagne’’]</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Do not.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> [pronounces ‘’lasagne’’ like ‘’champagne’’]</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Do NOT.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Calia:</b> How do you tell someone their breath stinks?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Hey, I’m bored, lets drink mouthwash.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> It’s quite muggy outside, isn’t it?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> If I look out of the window and see all the mugs outside again, I swear to the gods-</p><p>
  <b>Antares, sipping coffee from a bowl:</b>
</p><p> </p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> ‘’I’m not bitter,’’ I say, bitterly, with a bitter expression on my face.</p><p> </p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Do you want to know how I really hurt my wrist?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Yes.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> I was hula hooping. Tealor and I attended a class for fitness and for fun.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Oh my god.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> I’ve mastered all the moves. The pizza toss, the tornado, the scorpion, the oopsie doodle.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Why are you telling me this?</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Because no one will ever believe you.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> You sick son of a bitch.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> How much dirt would you need to throw into an ocean to make a new country?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Scholars of the temple?</p><p><b>Lexil:</b> About 8 dirt.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> There you have it, Calia. About 8 dirt.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Stop setting things on fire because you’re curious about what will happen.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> What will happen is fire.</p><p>
  <b>Antares:</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> But what if… something else happen. Jusg this 1 time. </p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Oh, to be a bored princess who keeps rejecting marriage proposals due to being secretly in love with the cute gardener girl. </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Oh, to be a cute gardener girl who secretely places dandelions in the princess’s room because she is in love with her. </p><p><b>Lexil:</b> Oh, to be the palace scholar who discreetly helps to boost the cute gardener girl up the wall for her secret deliveries in the middle of the night.  </p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Oh, to be the princess’s best friend witnessing the two fools dance around each other while knowing damn well that the two like each other.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Oh, to be the noble suitor from another royal family who comes to know of their love instantly and plans an entire plan to get them their happy ending. </p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Oh, to be a medieval peasant who knows nothing about the princess’s personal life and who dies of dysentry at age 23.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Ow! My armkle!</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Your what?</p><p><b>Antares, sighing:</b> His wrist.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> What are we?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> People.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> No, like, what are <i>we?</i></p><p>
  <b>Antares:</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> You’re Endralean and I’m Nehrimese.</p><p> </p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> The human body has seven trillion nerves and somehow some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> [backflips over his responsibilities]</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> PARKOUR!</p><p> </p><p> <br/>
<b>Calia:</b> Good morning!</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Hey.</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> Greetings.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Three kinds of people.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I need coffee.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Four kinds of people.</p><p><b>Jespar, bursting into the room:</b> SUP FUCKERS?</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Five kinds of people.</p><p> </p><p><b>Constantine:</b> Be a teacher, they said. It'll be fun, they said.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I CAN'T, IT'S OUT OF CONTROL!</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> GO GET THE ANTI-FLAMETHROWER!</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> IT'S CALLED A FIRE EXTINGUISHER, YOU DUMBASS-</p><p>
  <b>Mutual screaming as something explodes:</b>
</p><p><b>Constantine, sighing:</b> Don't listen to them. Don't.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> So the answer to "what are you working on right now" is "being bored?"</p><p><b>Antares:</b> That and writing fake product reviews.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> "This headband is simply divine. I wear it when I murder people. Sincerely, Captain Rocio.‘’</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> I have written a small list of reasons I love Calia.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> That's at least 10 pages.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I wanted to keep it brief.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> I do not have a crush on Antares!</p><p><b>Calia:</b> She’s just someone I stare at and think about a lot and when she’s not there it ruins my day.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> What would your father say if he were to see you like this? </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Probably that I’m a miserable failure and a disappointment. He might also throw in the "I-wish-you-were-never-born" routine. </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Oh.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Be careful with my emotional baggage.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> It’s designer. </p><p> </p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Who's turn is it to give the pep-talk?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> [sighing] Lishari’s.</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Fuck shit up out there, but don't die.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> [claps]</p><p><b>Antares, wiping away a tear:</b> Inspirational.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> You’re a filthy liar! A backstabber! How could you?!</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Please, I’m sorry! I really am!</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Save it. I don’t wanna hear it. </p><p><b>Calia:</b> ...Alright, so no more UNO for you two.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><b>Jespar</b>: Bottling up negative emotions is bad.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> That’s why you also bottle up positive emotions!</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> *walks into an art museum*</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I’m here to donate myself.</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> When will the clown sightings happen again? That was fun.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> Look in the mirror and they can start today.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> You know that feeling when your heart skips a beat?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> That's called arrhythmia.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I get that feeling every time I see y-</p><p><b>Calia, now very concerned:</b> You can die from it.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Just once I want to get up in the morning without going through all seven stages of grief first.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> What are the extra two?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Denial 2 and astral projection.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> You often use humor to deflect serious trauma.</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Thank you.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> How is that a good thing?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> He said I was funny. </p><p> </p><p> <br/>
<b>Calia:</b> How do you describe a relationship that's really complicated?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> A love/hate relationship?</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Yes, that's what I thought too.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> *turns around* Tell her what you've said.</p><p>
  <b>Jespar:</b>
</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Fuck you/fuck me</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Don’t worry, guys! I’ve got a plan!</p><p>
  <i>Antares has left the game.</i>
</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> When I’m rich all the homies getting therapists.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> What is it called when you kill a friend?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Homiecide</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Murder????</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> [nodding] Homiecide</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Just tell Antares you like her! What’s the worst thing that could happen?!</p><p><b>Also Calia:</b> She could hear me.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia, gesturing to her chest:</b> I’ll keep all my emotions right here.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> And then, one day, I’ll die.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Put what you’re majoring in in the tags:</b>
</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Respecting women</p><p><b>Adila:</b> Bat man</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Arson</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> W</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Criminal justice and psychology</p><p><b>Tharaêl:</b> I’m terrified that I’ll lock myself into an interest that I’ll no longer be passionate about in a few years.</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> Minecraft</p><p><b>Lexil:</b> Minecraft as well</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> The sexual tension between me and leaving the country to start a new life.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> I have had one hour of sleep.</p><p>
  <b>Jespar:</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> One brownie.</p><p>
  <b>Tealor:</b>
</p><p><b>Antares:</b> 16 shots of espresso.</p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> And I am ready to fight the High Ones or die trying.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> …Is she okay?</p><p><b>Lexil:</b> Collective data would say no.<br/>
 </p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> I would be That Person who throws a rock into the deep, dark, spooky water with bad vibes that everyone says not to disturb, and yeah obviously I’d die for it but at least I’d die doing what I loved: throwing rocks and causing problems on purpose.</p><p> </p><p><b>Yuslan:</b> When crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, it’s ‘intelligent’ and ‘really cool,’ but when I do it I’m ‘petty’ and ‘need to move on’.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> I have never been in a snowball fight.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Really?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> I do not even know the rules. Is there like, a points system, or is it to the death?</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> I’m immune to mean and hurtful words because Calia says nice things to me every day and her love protects me.</p><p> </p><p><b>Tealor:</b> I’m always accused of having a favorite keeper…that is not true.</p><p><b>Tealor:</b> I like the Prophetess and Not-Prophetesses equally.</p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work! Any time I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom. Right away. I had a different problem.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> She makes a strong case.</p><p> </p><p><b>Calia:</b> Last week, Antares was supposed to go buy groceries. But instead, she bought a novelty cookie cutter.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> Now everything we eat is shaped like a cat.</p><p><b>Calia:</b> She’s amazing.<br/>
 </p><p> </p><p><b>Antares:</b> Helpful grammar tip!</p><p><b>Antares:</b> ‘Farther’ is for physical distance…</p><p><b>Antares:</b> ‘Further’ is for metaphorical distance…</p><p><b>Antares:</b> And ‘Father’ is for emotional distance!</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Who hurt you?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> Jespar, didn’t you hear me?</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> What’s the first thing you notice when a man approaches you?</p><p><b>Antares:</b> The audacity.</p><p> </p><p><b>Lexil:</b> Why are Antares and Calia sitting back to back?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> They had a fight.</p><p><b>Lexil:</b> Why are they holding hands?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> They get sad when they fight.</p><p> </p><p><b>Jespar:</b> So, who wants to make some money?</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> What happened?</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Not important, but I need someone to take the fall. 250 pennies.</p><p><b>Constantine, in the background:</b> Who did this?!</p><p><b>Lishari:</b> …Make it 500.</p><p><b>Jespar:</b> Deal.</p><p><b>Jespar, yelling:</b> I got her, mysir!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I am thinking of writing a Tangled au because I tend to be a sucker for those haha. While i have the major plot points (at the start, at least) mainly planned out, ideas are always welcome!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked it!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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